30 June, 2010

Secure as a sitting ducK

Picture a real life version of a sci-fi thriller where you have a huge asteroid screaming toward planet Earth, about to hit with a force so powerful that it could crush the third stone from the sun into tiny pieces of gravel, and knock pictures off walls in living rooms a million light years away.

Who can save our once-beautiful-but-turning-ugly-due-to-years-of- abuse-and-neglect planet from ultimate destruction?

Hmm...let me see...uh...nobody? We can't even plug a hole in the bottom of the ocean that has been spewing forth oil for nearly three months. Saving the planet from an intergalactic wrecking ball would certainly be well beyond the limits of our capability.

I liked when they were actually trying to cover the hole from which cometh the oil. They were on the right track there, but unfortunately didn't follow through. What I picture is a huge mountain of debris—a Mount Trashmore, if you will—covering the hole and blocking the flow of escaping crude.

In the interest of saving the environment, I'm sure people from all over the country would be willing to donate the useless crap that has been accumulating in their homes for many, many years. Junk from just one of the homes featured on the TV show Hoarders could probably fill up a barge on its own.

Not so fast you say...you just don't dump gazillions of cubic feet of trash into the ocean; this could be extremely harmful to the environment. Hello? Does a million gallons of crude oil per day sound better? Let this new Mount Trashmore rise from the depths, to be admired by millions as they enjoy the unfortunately-not-clean-but-rapidly-improving waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Improving because...WE PLUGGED THE HOLE!!!!

I'd like to picture proud-as-punch citizens everywhere wearing their "I cleaned out my garage and helped plug THE HOLE" t-shirts. Sure beats what we have now, as we wait for relief from a relief well that supposedly is still more than a month or so away from completion. And isn't drilling a relief well a bit like trying to thread a needle blindfolded, after drinking a whole bottle of Captain Morgan?

Yes, please...let's finally "git 'er done". It's totally unacceptable to just sit and quack... while the 'roid approaches.

~PITTSBURGH starts with PITT!~

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