20 February, 2009

THE BIG SWITCH...ready...set...NO!

Back in the 70s one of my neighbors, Doc Poindexter, used to rail about the absurdity of commercial television. Of course lots of people have felt the same way over the years― hence, it became known as the "boob tube". Actually, Doc had his own special name for it: "smell-o-vision".

Let's cut to the chase. As poor as TV can be under regular circumstances, I suggest that that "THE BIG SWITCH"―the proposed changeover from analog to digital transmission―has already become the most disturbing non-event of the third millennium. For gigamonths, all we heard―sandwiched between the usual array of mind-numbing commercials―was notice after notice about the change to occur on February 17, 2009. February 17th just happens to be my birthday! And the countdown went on and on and on... "a hundred more days," they said..."eighty"..."sixty"..."forty"...etc.

"Seventeen," now we're getting real close! Bring it on, I can't wait. Put us out of our misery, after suffering through thousands of these lame public service reminders. Even though I've long passed the point of being anxious for my birthday to come, this year it can't happen soon enough. Like beating your head against the wall...it feels so good when you stop...soon we will have reason to feel good again.

UH-OH! Lest we forget that we are in the midst of creating a society so helpless, that as individuals we won't be able to do anything on our own, the government has decided to extend the time required to prepare for THE BIG SWITCH another four months!!!! In case you have cable or satellite and aren't affected by all this, installing the equipment required for the change to digital is about as easy a process as buttering a piece of bread...perhaps easier. On the back of your converter box... plug your antenna wire into its input jack, connect a wire from the output jack to your TV, and turn the sucker on. It will take you longer to prepare a TV snack than to hook up a converter box.

I can't help but think of the commercial where the boss pleads for assistance to prepare a dish of microwave pasta. He reads the directions: "add water, microwave, strain, stir"...throwing his hands up in despair he says, "What is this...Japanese?" Yes, the dumbing down of America―the beat goes on. The opposite should be occurring; we should be teaching people to stand on their own two feet, accept responsibility, get the job done―no coddling―you do things on time, on your own.

WARNING: if they extend this BIG SWITCH fiasco beyond four more months I'm taking hostages!

~PITTSBURGH starts with PITT!~

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