27 July, 2008

Special Defects

Will Smith may very well be a fine actor, but I'm not going to find out by watching a movie like Hancock, where in the TV ads for the movie he tosses people around like they were nerf balls. Everybody knows only Superman can do that... at least until some jerk spoils the party with kryptonite. From just viewing the promos for some of these special defects flicks, it would appear that if you remove all the computer-generated parts, you wouldn't have enough film left to make a short subject.

I know a fellow who makes excellent computer-generated pictures, so good in fact that I can hear the "oohs" and "ahs". That's not the problem. The problem is making movies that are outlandishly stupid, and with actors who should obviously know better. Padding a weak story line with gratuitous imagery and buffoonery just doesn't cut it. It's more than outlandishly stupid.

Star Wars demanded special effects and, as I recall, they were done well. It would have been hard to shoot those intergallactic battles on location, eh? After all, here it is the third millenium and we're still trying to put a man on Mars...or is a woman on Venus? Oh by the way, they better install cell phone service up there first, or neither one will survive! My ex-wife came from Mars, but that's another story entirely.

Maybe if I was a player of video games I'd think the special defects were really, really cool. Sorry, but I favor the days when no one got blisters on their butt from sitting on it all day, and on their thumbs from pushing buttons on a game controller. Mom was the controller, and if you didn't want to be recruited for some serious manual labor, such as digging up her flower beds or pulling weeds in the garden, you were far awayriding your bike or playing with some kind of balland making yourself scarce around the house as long as there was a shred of daylight in the air. But that's another story entirely too. A great one of course...and requiring no special defects to tell it.

~PITTSBURGH starts with PITT!~

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